


Growl’s Anatomy

by UppityBitch



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/M, Humor, Minor Violence, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 07:50:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15456657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UppityBitch/pseuds/UppityBitch
Summary: As chief physician of a hospital that catered to supernatural creatures, Caroline has zero time to get involved in the New Orleans turf war — not to mention zero patience for the arrogant hybrid king who has the nerve to ask for her medical help.





	Growl’s Anatomy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laufire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laufire/gifts).



> This story is for laufire. Happy reading!

_The succubus kept touching her_. While Caroline normally wasn’t opposed to a freebie orgasm, it was a huge inconvenience considering she was wrist-deep in the succubus’ vagina, trying to dislodge a diaphragm that had become stuck during an orgy that seemed to involve most of the city council. After biting back another pleasure-soaked moan, she managed to find the edge and began a series of small tugs to get a proper grip on the device.

            Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Katherine, one of the hospital’s top residents, gritting her teeth as she also seemed to be riding the wave of an especially explosive yet inconvenient orgasm. To her credit, she managed to maintain a tone of professionalism as she repositioned the speculum, muttering to Caroline, “I’m going after that thing with a plunger if you don’t hurry the hell up; one more orgasm like that and I’ll need to smoke a whole tobacco field.”

            Rolling her eyes, Caroline finished pulling it out, washing her hands thoroughly as she willed herself to stop blushing in the afterglow of multiple orgasms as she gave aftercare instructions to the succubus. When she exited the patient’s room, she noted with pride the carefully organized chaos of Lafitte Hospital.

            As chief physician of New Orleans’ only hospital that catered exclusively to supernatural creatures, she was pleased to see her ideas had been implemented seamlessly into the everyday operations. From color-coding digital files by species to revised schedule rotations, her hospital had streamlined wait times while maximizing healthcare opportunities to an often-overlooked portion of the New Orleans community.

            _Especially with this infernal war_. For the past few months, her beloved city had been a battleground between the usurper, King Marcel, and Klaus, the Hybrid King. She’d carefully crafted her reputation in the supernatural community as being neutral; her hospital would treat all creatures, regardless of the side they’d chosen. However, privately she seethed with rage at the way Marcel had kept her city under his thumb. He treated the witches as second-class citizens, openly discriminated against the werewolves, and only allowed his inner circle of vampire sycophants to possess daylight rings. _Power-hungry bastard_.

            _And speaking of power-hungry..._ Klaus’ own quest for dominion over everything was legendary, but he’d made impressive inroads with the leaders of the various supernatural clans. What he proposed was radical social reform for all supernatural creatures, allowing them to govern their own affairs for the most part, imposing his position as ruler only in times of discord that threatened the overall peace of New Orleans. Rumors of his penchant for violence still left many fearful, but the few times she’d witnessed his rallying speeches had swayed her opinion and left her more than a little breathless. _Damn those dimples_.

            Somehow, she’d caught Klaus’ attention at the last gathering she’d attended with Katherine, and he’d asked her out. Somewhere between the buttery, succulent oyster appetizers and a decadent goblet of Bordeaux, she found herself on quite possibly the _worst_ date she’d been on in decades. His perfectly chiseled features and sexy smirk hadn’t been able to hide his arrogance, or his obvious prejudice against vampires less than a century old whose bloodline sprang from humble beginnings.

            _After insufferably bragging about his various estates and vast wealth, he’d raised a critical eyebrow to ask, “Surely you don’t have to work at the hospital, sweetheart? You seem like a clever girl — how did you manage to squander your fortune over the centuries?”_

_“I was turned in the 1960s; I’m not yet a century old, much less several,” Caroline answered in confusion. “And my parents worked as schoolteachers — there was never any fortune to speak of.” She’d immediately thought of Katherine, her friend as well as her sire, and told him fondly, “My friend Katherine tells me building a fortune takes time these days; apparently, it used to be easier back in her corset-and-coyly-fluttering-eyelashes days.”_

            _His eyes immediately had shaded to a furious gold as he ground out, “You mark that deceitful peasant as a friend?!”_

_Barely restraining herself from digging her fangs into his throat, she leapt to her feet, hissing, “Damn straight, you arrogant asshat. Next time, have your minions do a better job screening your dates for_ peasants _like me, your majesty.” She’d stormed out of the romantic jazz bistro, snagging the open bottle of pricey Bordeaux on her way out because she figured she’d earned it._

Shaking her head in irritation that she was still replaying last night’s disastrous date, she marched past a group of bloated, woozy satyrs being admitted to the detox unit for coffee addiction. She accessed their files through her app and was pleased to see that they’d be placed on a cleansing diet of chardonnay before gradually increasing their tannin levels with merlots and cabs until their natural equilibrium had been restored.

            A shiver suddenly went down her spine as her vampire senses kicked in and she realized she was being watched. The heavy scrape of footfalls indicated it was slowly drawing near, and she whirled around to find Enzo, one of their orderlies, slowly shuffling down the hall as he returned an empty wheelchair to one of the supply rooms. As he merrily waved his rotting hand at her, she couldn’t help but smile, confident that she’d made the right choice in her ‘zombie-friendly’ hiring practices, despite the fact that their bite transmitted the virus to both human and supernatural alike.

            Katherine hadn’t been on board with her choice at first, but Caroline stubbornly told her that as vampires, they knew what it was like to face discrimination and she refused to make anyone else feel badly for being what they were. She ran her hospital as an equal opportunity employer for all supernaturals, and expected everyone to leave their prejudices at the door.

            “Hey, don’t think you can distract me with succubus-induced orgasms,” Katherine cheerfully shouted, flashing to her side as she inwardly groaned at her friend’s persistence. “So what happened with your date? The way you both were serving up the eye fucking at that last rally made me think you’d call in ‘sick’ today and keep the sexy times going.”

            Caroline snorted, “There was definitely no sexy times. The date didn’t even make it past the appetizer. But I did drink the rest of the fancy bottle he bought once I got home, so the night wasn’t a total loss.”

            Katherine’s brunette curls bobbed in unison as she nodded her approval. “I’ve taught you well.” Brown eyes full of amusement, she asked, “So what went wrong? Did you talk about your collection of vintage medicine bottles again?”

            “No,” she answered defensively, “he’s just an arrogant, judgy asshat!” She bit her lip, having no interest in bringing up his hurtful words about Katherine. Awkwardly averting her eyes, she pretended to suddenly finding her white lab coat fascinating.

            Katherine was quiet for far too long, rocking back on her heels as she studied her closely. “You mentioned me, didn’t you? Damn it, I knew I should’ve told you sooner.”

            Caroline glanced up sharply at that, eyeing her friend curiously. “Told me what?”

            “The fact that I had a fling with Klaus’ brother, Elijah, a couple of centuries ago when I _so_ wasn’t relationship material and instead cleaned out his safe and stole all of his priceless artwork...and then ran off without a word,” she finished sheepishly.

            Cocking an eyebrow, Caroline sighed, “Well, that explains a lot. Although, that’s still no excuse for Klaus’ completely obnoxious reaction or his weird, elitist assumptions about me being centuries’ old and well-off.”

            “Yeah, I don’t get that either. Elijah was always the stuffed shirt in that family; with him it was all about your sireline and who you knew and your personal wealth,” Katherine replied in confusion, shrugging as she said, “Fuck both of them. Maybe we’ll just steal this kingdom for ourselves, huh?”   

            Caroline giggled, “Between my expert list-making skills and your ability to sweet-talk the surliest of the werewolf clans into trying our experimental wolfsbane-laced antacids, we would definitely win the war.”

            “Whatever, you just won’t admit you were wrong about those antacids. After I tweaked the formula, not only did the werewolves stop being so gassy on full moons, it also got their breath to stop smelling like a sewer,” Katherine retorted with a triumphant grin.

            Before Caroline could respond, something slammed into her, its weight somewhat wobbly as she took in what appeared to be someone wrapped tightly in a burgundy bedsheet. On closer inspection, she realized that at one time, the sheet must have been expensive, but being dragged down the back alleys of New Orleans had taken a toll and the frayed and stained edges revealed long, pale toes that twitched as she tentatively pulled aside the fabric that covered the individual’s face.

            Both she and Katherine let out a small gasp of surprise as Klaus’ sweaty face unexpectedly was revealed. He wheezed, clearly trying to summon what little strength he had left to whisper brokenly, “White oak ash. Marcel. Help.”

            Caroline always hated to see another in pain, but even she was surprised by how much it worried her to see Klaus so broken. The desperation in his voice was alarming, and her heart immediately ached for the amount of pain he had to have been in to seek them out when he was at his most vulnerable. Her brain caught up to his words and she realized that Marcel must have somehow poisoned Klaus with white oak ash and was likely pursuing Klaus even now to finish what he started. _Not on her watch_ , she swore.

            She and Katherine moved swiftly, doing their best not to call attention to themselves as they maneuvered Klaus into an empty exam room and locked the door. “Katherine, first, contact security and tell them to monitor Marcel’s movements as soon as he arrives. I’ll examine Klaus and call you with a list of supplies we need.”

            Katherine eyed Klaus warily, obviously concerned for Caroline’s safety as everyone knew that while an Original was dangerous, a wounded Original was even worse. “Are you sure,” she asked quietly.

            Warmed by her friend’s concern, she gave her a small smile, waving her out the door. “Everything will be fine.” Katherine finally left, but not before glaring threateningly at a wheezing Klaus.

            “Protects you,” he muttered weakly, his surprise evident.

            Gently pulling aside the filthy sheet, she answered briskly, “We protect each other.” She began listening to his lungs, grimacing as she heard the gurgle of unwelcome fluid as his body struggled with the white oak ash he seemed to have inhaled. _Damn it_. If she didn’t extract it soon, he could die. Thoughts racing, she considered different treatment options, from bloodletting to potions and spells from the hospital’s homeopathic witches, but knew they would need more time than what Klaus’ gravely injured body could spare.

            Blue eyes widening, she realized what Klaus needed. She quickly called Katherine, barking out, “Klaus needs oak beetles, now!” After she hung up, she noted that despite Klaus’ extreme pallor and profuse sweating, he still managed to look at her skeptically. She snapped at him, “Seriously?! Stop with the judginess; oak beetles can chew through a whole forest of white oak trees if they’re not caught in time. Plus, one of our RNs is Camazotz, a Mayan bat god, whose favorite snack happens to be those little guys. Fortunately, she’s always happy to share.”

            He began seizing and she quickly turned him on his side to keep him from swallowing his tongue, using her supernatural strength to prevent him from rolling off of the exam table. She breathed a sigh of relief when Katherine flashed back in the room with a bowl full of beetles. “Quick — I’ll hold him while you intubate,” she commanded Katherine, inwardly cringing as she watched her feed the shiny black beetles through the tube she placed down Klaus’ throat.

            While Caroline checked his vitals, Katherine pulled blood bags out of her pockets and set up an IV to combat Klaus’ desiccation. “You sure this royal asshat is worth all this trouble,” Katherine asked, chasing the leftover beetles back into the bowl to return to Camazotz.

            “Yes, he was a complete jerk last night, but there’s that pesky Hippocratic Oath, Katherine,” Caroline chided, noting that Klaus’ vitals were bouncing back quickly while the beetles ate the white oak ash he’d ingested.

            Clearing away the intubation equipment, Katherine muttered, “Saved his life and I bet the arrogant bastard will still have a stick up his ass about what I did to his brother.” With a final glare at their patient, Katherine left the room again to check on the hospital’s security.

            “To clarify, Elijah’s the one with a perpetual stick up his arse,” Klaus wheezed, trying and failing to sit up from the table.

            Caroline firmly pressed him back on the table, doing her best not to let her gaze linger too long on the elaborate feather and bird tattoo along his shoulder and chest. “I don’t care about either of your asses,” she told him, “but I need you to keep yours on this table while you heal. You may be an Original, but it’s going to take some time for you to regain your strength after that white oak ash injury.”

            He grimaced, gingerly touching his stomach as he said, “Speaking of that, sweetheart, does this mean the bloody ash is gone now...and what of those blasted beetles?”

            “Based on your skin lividity, it appears the beetles devoured enough of the white oak that the rest can be safely flushed from your system in a few days,” she explained brightly. Playfully tapping his belly, she added, “and your stomach acid will kill off the beetles soon and you’ll be able to pass them naturally.” She couldn’t help but take some pleasure at the way he blanched at her words, never guessing that the big bad Hybrid King would be so squeamish about a few bugs.

            Klaus coughed as he settled more comfortably against the padded table, studying Caroline long enough that she began to fidget. “I’d intended to seek you out today...uh, obviously not in this manner...” he finished awkwardly.

            “Why,” she asked curiously, “I got the impression you weren’t interested in spending time with us mere _peasants_.”

            He rubbed the side of his face, wincing as she threw his ugly words back at him. “It certainly wasn’t my intention to offend, sweetheart. Unfortunately, I heeded the wildly inaccurate advice of my brother, Kol. He told me that you were a centuries’-old countess who only liked arrogant braggarts who boasted of their wealth.”

            She snorted at his admission. _Of course Kol was involved_. “Kol kind of has a grudge against me at the moment. He was brought into our ER a couple of weeks ago, stoned out of his mind on magic mushrooms laced with fairy dust. He kept yelling that he was a randy were-rabbit and proceeded to dry-hump all of our fire extinguishers.” Giggling at the memory, she added, “I _may_ have uploaded the security video to his Twitter feed on a continuous loop after he refused to pay his hospital bill.”

            Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed in aggravation, “It shouldn’t surprise me that my arse of a brother is at the center of our disastrous date.” He hesitated, adding, “Although my reaction to your friendship with Katherine could’ve been a bit more tactful, perhaps.”

            “Perhaps,” she said evenly. “Katherine told me what she did to Elijah back in the day. I guess you Mikaelsons can really hold a grudge.” At his grumbling, she asked hesitantly, “The things she stole — were they very expensive?”

            “Priceless.” At her small gasp, the corners of Klaus’ lips twitched and he admitted, “But then I just compelled the old masters to repaint their works, so I suppose the term ‘priceless’ is relative.”

            “Seriously?!” Shaking her head, she checked his vitals, pleased to see that he was recovering steadily. At this rate, she estimated he would regain his full strength within a couple of days.

            He surprised Caroline when he reached for her hand, his gray eyes staring at her face intently. “After you stormed out last night, sweetheart, I realized what an arse I’d been and was determined to set things right today.” He chuckled, gesturing around the room, “Of course, the day took an unexpected turn before I had the chance to see if you’d be willing to go out with me again.”   

            Feeling the heat rise in her cheeks, she couldn’t help but be charmed by his hopeful tone, and she suspected that he could hear how rapidly her heart was beating as he lightly stroked his thumb over her palm.

            Before she could answer, she received a text from Katherine: “M here. Switched patient records to hide K. Get out here now!”

            Correctly interpreting the panicked look on her face, Klaus said grimly, “Marcel has arrived, hasn’t he?” Trying and failing to move from the exam table, he swore through gritted teeth, “I’ll give that upstart bastard a fight.” Looking at her softly, he added, “Run away, love. I won’t see you hurt in this war.”

            Caroline was surprised at his words, instantly feeling the inconvenient warmth once more that left her breathless whenever she was with Klaus. “That’s incredibly sweet...and also incredibly stupid since I might need to steer Marcel away from this room,” she said lightly. Putting on her game face, she exited the room before he could protest. 

            She was relieved to see Katherine had distracted Marcel, her white lab coat that was pristine just moments ago suddenly covered in a colorful combination of congealed animal blood and viscous fluids. She waved her arms around, clearly doing her best to sling some of the rancid mess on Marcel.

            Biting her lip to keep from laughing at the vaguely ill expression on his face, she overheard Katherine tell him cheerfully, “You picked a great day to stop by for a visit, Marcel. A whole herd of chupacabras contracted hepatitis from drinking contaminated goat blood and I’m sure they’d appreciate a visit from their king while they’re getting antiviral treatment. Just watch out for the vomit puddles.”

            Shaking his head and muttering under his breath, Marcel hurried away, giving Enzo a wide berth when he glared at him despite the fact that one of his eyes had fallen out again. Caroline made a mental note to give her favorite orderly a raise. “Caroline,” Marcel said, his normally deceptive, silky tone somewhat off as he clearly was still disturbed by the imagery Katherine evoked. “I suppose you know why I’m here.”

            “To interrupt my staff and throw off my carefully orchestrated shift schedules,” she asked innocently, delighting in the way his brown eyes narrowed in anger.

            His lips curled back into a snarl as he told her, “Don’t bullshit me. I’ve tracked Klaus right to your doorstep. The coward ran away when he realized he couldn’t beat me and now it’s time for me to end this war once and for all.” He roughly pushed past her, obviously intent upon going into the exam room where Klaus was hidden.

            Fighting down the panic she felt, she casually slid past him, tapping on her tablet as she accessed patient records. “Whatever you think you’re doing here, go do it somewhere else — the patient in here is highly contagious with the morbillivirus.” As she swiped through the record that Katherine had switched, she inwardly cursed Katherine’s sense of humor. “It’s um...a female Encantado.” Muttering under her breath, she explained, “It’s a Brazilian trickster dolphin.” There was a long pause, and then Klaus let out a muffled ‘Ee ee eee’ noise through the door.

            Raising a suspicious eyebrow, Marcel replied, “She didn’t sound Brazilian.”

            _‘She’ also didn’t sound like a dolphin_ , Caroline thought, but she certainly wasn’t about to bring that up. Giving him an unimpressed look, she answered sternly, “Her esophageal lining has been severely damaged by the virus; it’s a wonder she’s coherent enough to communicate.” At her words, another half-hearted ‘Ee eee’ could be heard, Klaus inexplicably deciding to throw in a honk like a goose that made her inwardly cringe.

            Shaking his head, Marcel said, “Man, that is one sick broad.” He flashed her an indulgent smile, one clearly designed to disarm, and she grew suspicious, her vampire senses on high alert as he suddenly grabbed her by the throat and shoved her into the wall. Black veins crawled underneath his eyes that had grown dark as his monster emerged. Fangs unsheathed, he hissed, “Thought you were supposed to be neutral, bitch. But here you are, protecting that sorry excuse for an Original.” Digging his nails into her skin, he threatened, “Tell me where he is or you’ll be doing your doctoring without a head, Caroline.”

            Caroline heard Katherine shout, preparing to flash toward Marcel and attack, but Caroline caught her eye and shook her head, willing her to understand she didn’t want her to get hurt. Enraged, Caroline’s vampire face emerged, and she managed to gouge a deep crevice into his cheek with her claws as she struggled against him.

            Enzo suddenly let out an unearthly shriek, tossing aside the IV stands he’d been moving down the hall and barreled into Marcel before Caroline could stop him. “You! You don’t — DON’T — hurt gorgeous,” he yelled, struggling to get his rotting larynx to work properly. Marcel’s eyes widened in alarm, flashing only a few feet away before realizing that Enzo had latched onto him with his vicelike grip and had no intention of letting go.

            Marcel’s brown eyes pled with Caroline, but she met his gaze steadily, a cold kind of satisfaction washing over her as she realized that while she hadn’t planned for this to happen, it would effectively end this devastating war. With an encouraging nod, she watched Enzo dig his blunt teeth into Marcel’s neck, tearing at the flesh with relish as he transmitted the deadly virus.

            _Best employee ever_ , she thought, noticing how Marcel started transforming right away. The door to the exam room banged open, Klaus huffing slightly from exertion, “Are you alright, love?”

            Caroline was touched by the concern she heard in his tone, and rushed forward to catch him as his knees started to buckle. “Easy there, Klaus. Yes, I’m fine,” she answered. Glancing back at Marcel, she registered his sudden sluggishness, his more docile personality as he finished his transition. With a wry grin, she added, “I guess that’s one way to end this war.”

            Klaus, still stunned by the odd turn of events, replied, “I must admit, that’s not the ending I’d envisioned for my enemy, sweetheart.”

            “As an added bonus, Enzo’s been wanting a friend,” she told him, observing how Enzo clumsily high-fived the newly turned Marcel, who seemed pleasantly confused but babbled happily at the attention. She turned back to Klaus, forgetting how close they were standing as the tip of her nose nearly grazed the stubble of his cheek. “Everyone needs a friend,” she said coyly.

            With a seductive smirk, he murmured, “Well, I certainly look forward to earning your _friendship_ , love."


End file.
